It is a heart wrenching fact to live with. The reality is that one cannot swing a cat without hitting either a perpetrator or victim of gender-based violence. The phenomenon is so rife that daily reports of intimate partner violence are now as common as the weekly soccer match bulletins. Bystanders are quick to suggest that people should walk away from toxic relationships but if it were that easy very few to no people will fall victim to these treacherous acts.
Though it is a norm to encourage couples to go for counselling it is not advisable because the underlying issue of the violence is usually one sided where there is violence it is no longer a couples issue but rather an individual’s posing the question what triggered them into becoming violent to identify the root cause. It is encouraged that at this time the couple needs to separate whilst the perpetrator deals with whatever caused them to be violent it is only after the couple gets individual counselling that they either consider reconciliation or end the relationship if they separate they are assisted in parting amicably and if they do decide to continue they are made aware of the violence that may come up again in the future.
According to a professional councillor Tshepo Shoshong, “When dealing with GBV We encourage couples to go through the legal
procedure because where there’s violence, a crime has been committed so there’s a need to report to the police. Once the legal process is done we proceed with the individual counselling followed by the couples counselling session.”
Shoshong further stated: “Some couples do not want to include the police and we help them anyway because it’s their prerogative also many couples after undergoing counselling realise there are bigger underlying issues noticing that punch in the gut and that slap on the face was just the tip of the iceberg and they immediately opted to end the relationship.”
It has since been established that harmful gender norms and stereotypes perpetuate gender based violence and there is an inherent need to address and possibly change in order to curb these sky rocketing statistics.
In the meantime should you witness or experience any form of violence report to the nearest police station and make use of the numerous counselling services provided for free by the Civil Society Organisations.
